Friday, November 7, 2014

Mentally Drained and Physically Numb

Dearest Tragedy,

   Today my sister did something I didn't approve of. Yes I'm not the most family oriented guy, but it bothered me. I'm not the  best one of my mom's kids but I'm not the craziest either.  I'm at a crossroads of what to do I've already tried to chat with her about it and sheer called me out. Granted I give zero fucks about my past that she called me out on. When it comes down to it I have no kids so my priorities are way different than hers are.  I dunno how to fix it I barely let things bother me, but for some reason this urked me.

  I seem to always think about my past or revisit more than often. I always wonder why some dislike like me was I too aggressive.  Even though now I'm seeing someone it's like am I settling everything seems to fit too well together I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop off. I also am enrolled in school for trucking finally and I wonder how will the dynamic change since I'll be on the road 24/7 with little to no home time cause I kinda want to work on the oilfields and get my hands dirty for a few years. All I know is the medical field and I can truly say I'm burnt out I don't want to do it anymore. I don't mind it, but I lost my passion for it. It's a thankless job and the only ones that get the glory are the nurses and the doctors. I dunno what the rest of the year holds for me I'm kinda giving myself a 2yr education and discovery of myself exploring who I truly am and what I want in my life to completely happy with no points of this malenchoy feeling I always seem to have. As it's said in my favorite quote: "It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!" That's all I've been doin is fighting to survive like everyone has.