Dearest Tragedy,
I'm falling back into a slump of things. I dunno how to fix these mood swings is I guess the best way to describe them. I feel like I'm in a constant battle with myself whether it be inner health or outer beauty. I have a job I love and I love seeing different cities, buy there's always that feeling of somethings missing. It's weird to say, but I guess I need guidance and I've been looking into gay friendly churches since that ass I know. Is it possible to be gay and christian? I don't know what I want or need anymore. The feeling of being completely lost. I guess that's what really draws me to the road. I won't lie I do have a tendency to live life thru others pictures of fun. I see lots of hot bears at bear events enjoying each other. I see pups and their owners enjoying each other. Sir's and there boy's being obedient their order's, but also showing their deep love and respect. Whether I read #foxbear's blog or try to understand #noodlesansbeef life with 4 other pups with a total of 5 people being in one relationship. I can barely find one and I see these other relationships which seem happy. I don't really see any black bears around any kinda relationships like that. I also don't think I fit in to the normal black culture where we thought of as lazy and troublesome.
I always wondered and will forever wonder if I were white would life be different and how much different would it really be. I look happy on the outside and at times I am happy, but also deep down I wonder would life be different as another race. I've gone therapist and psychologist, but they all say the same that I need something to make me balance whether it be meds or writing in a journal just something to let my thoughts out and off my chest. Maybe oneday I'll fine my inner and outer peace.
Sincerely,
Tragic
