New Year Same Ole Me

Dearest Tragedy,
    Well I made it thru the Prime trucking orientation and got finally got my CDL. Only lasted 6 months sad to say and came home cause I was home sick. Got home found a really crappie job that I just left and said "I quit" which took everything within me to stay there as long as I did. So I went to Florida and got with a transportation company instead of trucking which seems a little better. I have to fight thru cause I'm getting in a rut for no reason. I never fully  give things a chance. The freight is low thru the winter season and will pic up very soon. I've been doing uber to supplement my income for now. I still have my moments  of weakness. I want love and to be happy, but I'm still not happy with myself. How can I learn to love myself more so I can give myself to someone oneday.

Sincerely,
    Tragic

Getting Closer

Dearest Tragedy,
     Well I'm almost done with this whole orientation course with PrimeInc and in a month God willing I'll be in my own truck. A lot have asked why I wanted to be a trucker and I always hopefully to become finally stable. I don't know how much money to be made just yet, but I haven't seen the big money yet. I dunno what the future holds for me. I'm socially awkward, I don't have many friends due to my no bs mentality. Maybe this was the best move for me only time will tell.

Moment Of Weakness

Dearest Tragedy,
   So I'm getting closer to my goal of becoming a trucker I take my CDL exam on June 17th so I'm crossing my fingers. Even though I'm making great progress in my goal to learn a trade before the end of the year. I always a the feeling of being lonely though I am glad that I finally decided to become a trucker. It will force me to learn to love myself and will reassure me that the only love and approval I need is my own plus the man upstairs. My life has been an utter whirlwind of ups and down. I'm always trying to find ways to runaway or have life experiences, but I always fall short. I see different cities now on a daily basis. I just need to figure out how to actually experience them with the time allowed.

Coming Along

Dearest Tragedy,
    So I didn't fully finish at rosedale tech, but I was offered to finish my CDL training at PrimeInc. It's been a few weeks in this program and I'm doing it driving a big 18 wheeler, but I'm still lonely. There's gotta be something mentally wrong with me or something. I have no stress out here other than the few bills I have to pay. There's alot to be said about me switching to trucking I'm totally always near my kinda guy some need to remember to shower, but they are some sexy truckers out here. I keep my comments to myself tho my eyes tell everything lol.
   I'll probably be blogging more than I use to when I first creates my blog page. I'll probably blog after my hours are done for the day. That way I can remember everything that happened in that day whether it be bad or a good day. I finally made it to Toronto, Ontario that I've been trying for years to get to. I didn't get experience it the way I'd like to, but the scenery was beautiful. The landscape across America that I've seen so far is breath taking. I also get to see part of Niagara Falls. It wasn't the falls part, it still was nice to see what I could see of it. Just can't wait til I get my own truck and start making this big money.

Sincerely,
Tragedy
   

New Years 2014/2015 ReCap

Dearest Tragedy,


  Well I'm 31 years old now and I'm back home in Pittsburgh Pa. I only lasted in Columbus OH for about a month and half. It taught me a few things about living in another place. Even though I had roommates it still was good to see what I'm capable of doing if I put my mind to it. I found a ok job since I've been back in the medical field. I'm working in a Jewish nursing home and I'm enrolled at attend Rosedale Technical College for CDL/Trucking since I've been think about driving over the road again. I'm currently seeing someone I care a lot for him, but I still feel like something is missing. I love him, but not in love with him I know that will take time.
  With all this going on I still feel like I'm missing out. I'm struggling like everyone else is in this world and I'm still not fully happy. I think its because I' m not fully happy with myself. The sad thing is I don't know what it will take to be happy. I sometimes hear that I have very attractive facial features, but I don't feel attractive there are a few times I see a glimpse of seeing my "pretty". I just dunno what's going on with me anymore I just hope I find "me" soon.

Mentally Drained and Physically Numb

Dearest Tragedy,

   Today my sister did something I didn't approve of. Yes I'm not the most family oriented guy, but it bothered me. I'm not the  best one of my mom's kids but I'm not the craziest either.  I'm at a crossroads of what to do I've already tried to chat with her about it and sheer called me out. Granted I give zero fucks about my past that she called me out on. When it comes down to it I have no kids so my priorities are way different than hers are.  I dunno how to fix it I barely let things bother me, but for some reason this urked me.

  I seem to always think about my past or revisit more than often. I always wonder why some dislike like me was I too aggressive.  Even though now I'm seeing someone it's like am I settling everything seems to fit too well together I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop off. I also am enrolled in school for trucking finally and I wonder how will the dynamic change since I'll be on the road 24/7 with little to no home time cause I kinda want to work on the oilfields and get my hands dirty for a few years. All I know is the medical field and I can truly say I'm burnt out I don't want to do it anymore. I don't mind it, but I lost my passion for it. It's a thankless job and the only ones that get the glory are the nurses and the doctors. I dunno what the rest of the year holds for me I'm kinda giving myself a 2yr education and discovery of myself exploring who I truly am and what I want in my life to completely happy with no points of this malenchoy feeling I always seem to have. As it's said in my favorite quote: "It's you. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!" That's all I've been doin is fighting to survive like everyone has.

Whole Again

Dearest Tragedy,
  Well I've gotten a car yay me! I feel like I'm becoming accomplished very slowly. The next goal is to see get my education on track once again. I just have to keep pushing myself.  Also will be teaching myself on how to eat healthier and hope to drop a few pounds. Slowly meeting people again in hopes of creating new friendships. Learning to find love in my faults that I have and cannot change. I recently met a very nice guy, he makes me smile all the time its refreshing. I have a feeling him and I will be together for a long time, he's definitely husband material.